Benjamin's first ER visit

I lay down on the ER table and pulled Ben tightly against me, wrapping my arms protectively yet firmly around him. Two nurses reinforced my grip while the ER doc peered down at us, then quickly began to sew. One stitch. Then a second. My mouth was just at Ben's ear, and I kept telling him over his screams "It will be okay, I'm here, I'm here, I'm not going anywhere. You're doing a great job, Buddy. I'm so proud of you."

Flashback. Jamie at my side while laboring to deliver Ben into this world. Jamie encouraging me through pain with those same words. It was as if Jamie was there with us in that moment: "You're doing a great job, Ben."

Then I thought of the many times my own mother willed me through painful childhood moments, hospitalizations and procedures, her comfort and strength around me. I imagined her voice and arms joining Jamie's and mine in navigating Benjamin through this experience.

Then it was all done. "You did a great job, Benjamin, such a great job." The doc smiled at me, "but so did you, Mom."

This is as close as I will come to actually experiencing what Benjamin is going through. His vantage point, but only my mother's heart pain. How I wanted to take his suffering as well. The mystery of God is that She held us and suffered our pain, took our pain to be Her own.